🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men again. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.